WEEKLY COLUMN:
JDM vs the WORLD

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FINE PRINT

“Where’s the outrage?” Bob Dole once asked. That’s exactly what I’d like to know.

On the first of May, a Washington intern by the name of Chandra Levy utterly vanished with nary a rhyme and/or reason to attribute. A trace? Forget about it. All that’s left are some fuzzy home videos and two quietly weeping parents for whom I feel worse with every tremble in their remarkably poised souls. It’s really quite sad.

End of story, right? Wrong. There’s more. Much more--we wouldn’t be discussing this otherwise.

Seems this young woman, a resident of Modesto, California, just so happened to be romantically involved with her hometown hero, Gary Condit, a Democratic congressman. Gee, that’s wholesome. Tell me again, where have we heard this before? Oh, right, Bill Clinton.

Yes, that Bill Clinton. You know the one that in 1998, as the then-reigning President of the United States of America, admitted to what he deemed “inappropriate sexual relations” with his intern Monica Lewinsky. Ring a bell? Good.

Much like last time, we’ve seen a slew of partisans, on one side or another, lambasting the coverage of this story as sordid. This is about a missing person, not sex, they sometimes say. And they’re right. That’s what makes badgering the congressman so necessary.

Authorities have stated that the missing woman spent a great many of her last accountable hours surfing Condit’s Web site, calling Condit’s personal phone and other such things. Not good. Especially when said congressman has been mostly uncooperative with said authorities.

Condit, our fair representative of the people, is no stranger to extramarital affairs (though if one were to believe the despicable words of his publicist, this is the victim’s fault and not the congressman’s--shameful, shameful, shameful). Some folks have stepped forward and said that what deeds comprise Condit’s bedroom adventures are entirely his business. This is true.

Hell, I don’t want to hear about this man’s private parts at the dinner table, anyhow.

But with the D.C. police force scouring the terrain day in and day out in search of Miss Levy, wouldn’t it be nice if Condit pitched in? Sure, he’s offered a $10,000 reward, but that’s coming out of campaign funds so it hardly warms the heart.

The American people want answers. They deserve answers. Instead, Condit has taken a bogus lie detector test arranged by his own lawyer. What’s more, he’s given reporters with perfectly legitimate questions the proverbial cold shoulder.

Meanwhile, Chandra is still missing. So, where’s the outrage?

Though Condit had no qualms with courting the young lady, he cannot be bothered with sharing the truth--or even his version of it. The word thus far has been mum. If he’s said ten words to the media in the last eight weeks, I missed them.

For quite some time, in fact, he insisted there was no such affair. Finally he caved. He admitted what the rest of the world already knew. He tried to explain his way out of this treachery by claiming his denial was only an effort to protect his family and fatherhood.

Uh-huh. Would that be the same family behind whose backs he led a thorough double-life? Come on. We’re supposed to buy that this guy knows nothing else about Chandra Levy’s whereabouts?
Right.

In the words of boxing promoter Bob Arum, “Believe me today because yesterday I was lying.”

So where’s the outrage? Good question. I’ll tell you where it’s not: CBS.

More specifically, I’m talking about Dan Rather. Good old Dan Rather. Look, I’m not going to blast the guy. Heaven knows he’s got years of experience and professionalism on me. Know how long it took Mr. Rather to acknowledge the Condit/Levy story? Two and a half months.

I know what you’re thinking. “JDM hadn’t mentioned it yet either.” True. But it’s not my job. I’m not a newsman. I don’t get paid to deliver fair and accurate reports to the people about the issues that shape their lives.

According to Rather, he’d rather take the high road. A woman is missing and possibly dead. This has nothing to do with sex. Grow up, Mr. Rather.

Scandal is available in spades these days. Our society’s morals are crumbling. We didn’t start the fire, but we don’t have to add kindling either.

Everyone’s got a few transgressions notched on their belt. Some of us have larger waists than others. Elected officials have an obligation to the people to keep their organs in their pants until their terms are over.

If a politician’s own wife cannot trust him, then how can we? How are we supposed to entrust someone with our taxes, our medical benefits, our very lives, if he can’t do the right thing and help the two grief-stricken parents whose 24-year old daughter he seduced?

Where’s the outrage? Where’s the damned outrage?

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