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WEEKLY COLUMN:
JDM vs the WORLD

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FINE PRINT

Former US Attorney General Ramsey Clark, who’s revered from Baghdad to Belgrade as tyranny’s most vociferous public defender, has inspired an online petition that seeks to remove George W. Bush from power for “high crimes and misdemeanors.” In liberalspeak, this means the president is a racist, sexist, elitist, extremist, imperialist idiot who wants to wage war for Big Oil, extend the powers of Big Brother, and earn the love of his Big Daddy. Oh, and he stole the election.

Translation: Bush’s existence is a Big Problem, at least for folks like Mr. Clark.

The petition is ridiculous, in and of itself, but especially since it’s linked with A.N.S.W.E.R. This would be the same socialist group behind the recent rash of anti-war/anti-American rallies—like the one in New York on Valentine’s Weekend where a peacenik passive-aggressively punched a police horse in the head in an effort to Stop War and End Racism. (Yes, this is the caliber of person who’d call Bush the Antichrist if only the ACLU allowed him to use a Judeo-Christian word.)

Meanwhile, Saddam Hussein has become something of a patron saint for the far Left. On the subject of regime change, for example, rocker Dave Matthews asks, “Shouldn’t that be up to the people of the region and the people of Iraq?” The thesis here is clear. Since Saddam won “reelection” last year with 100 percent of the vote, he’s twice as legitimate as the American president, who failed to clear the 50 percent mark.

But while we’re on the subject of impeachment and regime change, let’s talk about the Clintons.

It looks like Bill won’t be getting his own trashy talk show, as rumored last year, but that hasn’t stopped the less-than-dynamic Democratic duo from trash talking their way into the ranks of the Hate Bush crowd. Their criticisms—and I speak of them jointly because, well, you know—of the current commander-in-chief’s War on Terror break with the unwritten rule which prohibits ex-presidents from openly condemning their successors. Eisenhower never did it to Kennedy, for example, as noted in the Wall Street Journal last week by Peggy Noonan.

Before Vietnam, Ms. Noonan says, “To make partisan advantage out of an American failure would be classless, vulgar and most of all destructive.” This is true, but Bill dodged Vietnam, and no one’s ever accused the Clintons of having much class anyway.

What gets me more than anything else is that Bill and Hillary have enough balls between them to bash George Bush on the problems their administration perpetuated and/or caused. Of all people, they’re the last ones who ought to be talking right now. It’s like the pot calling the kettle black, then demanding the kettle step down from its role as Stovetop Majority Leader. It’s just not fair.

Take North Korea, for example.

Kim Jong Il has postured a lot as of late, flexing his apparently nuclear muscles and saying his country reserves the right to attack the US preemptively. Critics blame this on Bush—gee, there’s a surprise—for his Axis of Evil speech. Hillary says the president has “mishandled” the problem, suggesting that her husband had North Korea under control.

But the fact is that Clinton essentially paid off Kim Jong Il in exchange for North Korea abandoning its nuclear dreams—a fine strategy if only it had worked, but it didn’t. Clinton put his faith in a savage dictator, but might as well have closed his eyes, clicked his heels, and said, “There’s no place like Little Rock… I mean, Chappaqua,” because it would’ve given us the same end result. After all, though Kim Jong Il sought his weapons of mass destruction a little more quietly after cutting the deal with Clinton, he did, indeed, continue to seek them.

The only thing Bush did was call North Korea’s bluff. At least now we can cut them off at the knees.

I look at it this way: When a flesh-eating bacteria devours your fingers, you don’t put your hands in your pockets. You see a doctor. Otherwise, it’ll spread to your arms, chest, torso, face, thighs, and unmentionables. By then it’s too late.

And then there’s the issue of al-Qaeda.

“The outgoing administration told the incoming one that they would spend more time on terrorism and bin Laden than anything else,” Hillary said of the Clinton/Bush transition during a recent radio interview. But, she says, Bush’s “priorities were different.”

Oh, is that right? Well, if Bubba knew al-Qaeda was plotting against us, why didn’t he deal with them when they blew up the USS Cole in 2000? Or after the African embassy bombings in 1998? Or after the first attack on the World Trade Center, 10 years ago last Wednesday?

And why was it, as Sean Hannity wrote in Let Freedom Ring, that Clinton “never visited the site of the 1993 World Trade Center attack, in which six people died and more than one thousand were injured”? Why didn’t Clinton “meet privately with the director of the Central Intelligence Agency for two years following that attack”? Why didn’t Clinton make the connection between Ramzi Yousef, who engineered the first Twin Towers attack, and his recently captured uncle, Khalid Shaikh Mohammed, who masterminded the second?

I don’t doubt that Clinton knew al-Qaeda was a problem. That much should’ve been obvious to the leader of the free world by the time he left office. Clearly, he wasn’t serious about it, though, or else he wouldn’t’ve turned down Sudan’s offer to extradite UBL to the USA in 1996. (He would later say that, because bin Laden “had committed no crime against America” at the time, “we had no basis on which to hold him”—this is from the same legal mind who once wondered what the definition of “is” is.)

So, here’s what I want to know: If bin Laden’s war on America was already underway by the time Clinton left office, and if the outgoing administration thought to mention it to the incoming one, then why didn’t our War on Terror begin before Bush took over?

Let me sum things up with a metaphor.

Let me tell you about the house in which I was raised. The place was pretty much spotless, you see, but there was a dirty little secret behind how clean it was: The Family Room Closet. No, we didn’t hide skeletons in there. We couldn’t’ve. There wasn’t enough room, what with all the undeveloped rolls of film, empty brown bags, and dying blankets. You name it and it was in there… somewhere. It was the biggest disaster you’ve ever seen, unless you’ve seen The Phantom Menace. I mean it when I say you couldn’t close that closet door without your shoulder.

Well, if it ever came to pass that we sold the house without taking our belongings, surely, the next family would’ve been impressed with our cleanliness—at first. Then they’d open the Family Room Closet, never to be heard from again.

The moral of the story: After two years in the White House, Bush is still cleaning a mess that’s not his own. He’s hardly even unpacked his own agenda, it’s taking so long.

As for the Clintons, they’re just sitting there with their belts unbuckled eating pork rinds on the couch.

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