WEEKLY COLUMN:
JDM vs the WORLD

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FINE PRINT

In the off chance that Michael Jordan regularly visits this Web site, I would like to take the opportunity to say to him, on behalf of most every basketball fan I know: MJ, please, stay retired!

Not that the single most spectacular player in NBA history needs advisement. He’s a grown man; he knows what he’s doing. He can think for himself. I just hope he doesn’t think a comeback is called for.

I respect Michael Jordan. Save for ardent Knicks fans, I imagine there are few honest folks who feel otherwise.

During the same two decades that wrought drug and spousal abuse amongst athletes, not to mention rampant free agency, occasional team relocation and even two canceled championship series, Michael Jordan was a consummate gentleman.

He transcended not only his game but all of pro sports as well. Even at his lowest moments (i.e., gambling habits) he remained an exemplary ambassador for his industry. In that sense, having him back wouldn’t be such a bad thing. It’s not like I’d root against him.

But what has he got to prove?

His first retirement was a mere formality for the sake of melodrama. He deserved a break; he had just led the Bulls to their third consecutive title, and, unfortunately, his father had been murdered. Sure, there was the stint in minor league baseball, but that was just for kicks, really. There wasn’t a soul south of Chicago that thought the guy wouldn’t return.

Return he did, winning yet another trio of consecutive rings.

No one has ever rode into the sunset quite like Mike. His last field goal was the game winner in a championship game. Does it get any more storybook than that?

Now, he’s in a better place--the front office. As part owner of the Washington Wizards (they’ll always be the Bullets as far as I’m concerned), he no longer has to contend with exhausting road trips or being in peak physical condition.

Okay, so there’s not much glory at the top. Hasn’t he had more than his fair share, though?

He’s always been a general. Now there’s a new war. Though not on account of his managerial contributions, the Wizards have thus far continued to flounder. Their record for the 2000-2001 season was 19 wins and 63 losses, coming up just 22 wins short of a playoff berth.

If Jordan’s aim is to win another NBA title, he’s kidding himself. If he thinks his mere presence on the court will make championship caliber players out of Popeye Jones, Loy Vaught and Hubert Davis, then he’s outright delusional.

Or maybe he’s bored.

Professional athletes are a curious bunch. Here we have a sect of society that’s accustomed to having the entire world in their hands before they’re even old enough to buy a beer, yet they’re actually expected to retire before they’ve even had their mid-life crises. I’m not sure that’s healthy.

Baseball players have it good. Whereas basketball puts a lot of wear and tear on the legs, baseball allows for relative longevity. I say relative, of course, because retirement at the age of 40 has still got to feel weird.

Boxers are considered over-the-hill if they’re still fighting at thirty-something. Forget about tennis players. Some of them turn pro around the same time their peers have Bar Mitzvahs.

It’s got to be difficult for a guy like Mike to simply stop playing. His career was defined by his many successes. If he thinks giving up the game is tough, imagine how he’s going to feel giving up that pristine legacy.

I hope he opts against a comeback. Rebuilding the Wizards is as great a challenge as any he’s come across in some time. Let’s see if he can do it with his head instead of his hands and feet.

After all, why would a man whose competitive spirit is legendary tarnish his real-life fairy tale ending and settle for something less?

Sorry, Mr. 23, it just doesn’t figure.

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